Honoring a women who knew what she wanted.

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Mum had a full and fulfilling life. She brought up 4 children, but never fully recovered from losing Danny 15 years ago. She will be buried beside him and finally rest in peace.

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In her final years Mum suffered from Parkinsons and Dementia. Abba and Dini cared for her so lovingly with the most amazing support from Mums carer Kasia. We will never forget what we owe Kasia for making Mum so comfortable for years.

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Her last weeks were peaceful. While Dad lay in ICU her dementia shielded her from fear and worries. The wonderful Sam Beckman Centre which provided amazing Day Care that she loved was closed, but Dini took over from Dad and moved in and cared for her 24/7. Mum sang, played games and sat in the garden. Occasionally she would slip into lucidity when faced with the humiliation of being cared for like a child by her children. She had always said she didn't want to be cared for, and that part of her life she didn't enjoy. But she enjoyed the garden, she enjoyed music, she enjoyed seeing her friends and family who would visit. And she slept well. She enjoyed cake when Dad gave it to her, and she enjoyed healthy deserts when Dini gave her them. She laughed out loud at Miranda. She could remember who we were, but couldn't remember where the toilet was. Jewish Care provided us with such loving and kind support as a family. And signs for the toilet for Mum. But in her final days, every trip was a mission, her hip hurt and when we asked her to drink to stop the dehydration, she refused.

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Many years ago, when faced with a second brain operation and after extensive research, Mum wrote an Advanced Living Will, and Do Not Resuscitate Order. She spoke to each of us about her wishes. She was specific and clear about her wishes. In the case of her incapacitation or dementia she did not want to be given life-saving treatment. With respect to the sanctity of life, and Gods will, we understand that her wishes were contrary to Jewish Law and controversial. Last week we ignored this directive and called an ambulance on two occasions when she started coming down with a severe infection and became dehydrated. Yet when she was admitted to Barnet hospital and we faced the prospect of her being treated and potentially spending weeks or months alone, we took the difficult decision to bring her home and respect her wishes.

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We cared for her for the last week at home. She suffered far less pain in that week than she did the week before from moving on her hip. We held her hand, we wiped her brow. We sang to her. She had her eyes open most of the time, and she saw her husband, her children, her grand-children and even some of her close friends.

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When Mum passed on Thursday at about 2pm she was already resting in peace. We will remember her forever as someone who stood up for what she believed and decided for herself what she wanted to do with her life.

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In great sorrow we respected her wishes to the end. We were blessed to have her in our lives for so long. You can hear a snippet of the last week with Mum below, which is a recording of one of the sessions where we sang to her.

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